my first interview experience that left me baffled with the 800myr salary & kitkat

i went to a job interview, for an-aesthetically-pleasing-building-design-company in s*nawang. 

it wasn't what i was expecting, to be honest. i applied for a boutique assistant position and i was expecting to hear about clear job description but instead it was two hour dull, boring and weird interview session, full of confusion and cloudy, repeated, not-even-a-jobscope-but-a-modern-slavery-bullshit spewed from the interviewer. i don't know what a boutique assistant had to do with helping to manage an event too. the job scope was all over the place, for 800 fuckin myr salary. so i have to do all these and that just for 800myr? INTERESTING. 

i'd rather be a cleaner for fucks sake. you dare saying "oh the government and our company are trying to help you". no. you fuckin scammed me. you put me in a spot to receive your offer. i was cornered to work there and you asks me if i can start the job immediately-- literally two days after the interview. me being me, i said yes but then it hits me; i actually am waiting for another job interview that i wanted to go. i said to her i'll start at august 10, and you dare asking me what am i preparing for? well maybe if you ask yourself that question before launching your half assed, not even established webpage and product I think you'd know the answer. maybe you should ask yourself why does your product doesn't even stand a chance with other products, is it maybe because you rushed thing and you get a shitty result, did you prepare yourself for that? maybe all these chance you are not afraid to take and you said everything is new to you yet you are so fearless is because you are a wealthy fucks, you have nothing to lose for because money to you is like a never ending river flow. i bet you never ask yourself that and i don't even need to know you more than two hours-- judging by how you are taking advantage of people and seeing your half assed company profile and just by reading YOU during the interview. miss, you are one shitty human being. fuck you. be better.

she later showed me around the boutique and my work place right after she unofficially confirmed my "employment" (and that was also the time when she start giving me teaser of her real skin and the sneaky money hungry attitude when she said i will only receive full 500 per client only if i don't receive any help from her). unofficially "securing" me to work for her was like a chance for her to step on me. i can already sense that, and best believe my gut feeling was always right. 

i have already lost my interest and got my attitude when i was about to leave the boutique. i remember how i scoffed at her after she ask me a question that i do not remember. i was already having none of her bullshit but i had to convinced myself to work there since i needed to land a job immediately. i knew my mother would not understand if i said no to the interview. 

i left the front door with my hijab all over the place, yawning and drained to the bone. 

i ran back to the car and erra, my cousin is waiting for me for two fucking hours. poor soul. on my way home we dropped by family store to buy stuffs. i stayed in the car, called shaki (she works at perkeso) and asks her about the 800 salary for that company offered me and she was confused. that time-- i realize it was all red flag all along but again, i was being cautious with my thought.

erra handed me two kitkat and said "nah, hadiah dapat kerja." my sleep deprived ass asks her, "kenapa sampai dua? nah ambik la satu" and erra said "kita dah ada. amek la, makan"

and who would've thought my life manifests itself in that kitkat situation. i receive two job offer that day.

i told my mom that i manage to get the job. i was very cautious with my word because i don't want to jinx myself before starting the job. mom was very grateful indeed, though my heart was already torn knowing that i am going get paid for only 800 and i need to manage client independently for me to receive extra salary without any help because if i am being consulted or helped by the person that interviewed me, i will only get half of it. i was already all over the place, but i was still grateful, indeed. my heart sunk deep down and i was too sad and confused about my decision so i immediately took my make up off and went to sleep. i woke up few hours later and received a text message that i was accepted for the job that i was interviewed for last week. i was overjoyed and i almost passed out for being too excited. talk about over reacting. i am grateful, and for clear, obvious reason, i went to the second job offer. the job scope is crystal clear and for the love of god-- my rice bowl worth more than 800myr god damn it. 

i sent a rejection email, and 

i immediately start working-- doing what i am sure i can be better at. 

i am grateful for everything, the opportunity to live and to choose my path. i thank all these people that has been rooting for me through my suicidal and depressed state. i can't be sure (nobody can anyway) that i will not be sad all the time but at least one of the burden of not contributing anything to my existence and being a burden is now almost gone. i just wanna be better. 

and also, god knows the best. and i meant it. i realize this after thinking how my ass was saved from that lousy company. imagining me being traumatized again after a year of gathering my courage to find a job is really... bad. real bad. aweful. horrid. 

i questions everything and most of the time- i am not that religious myself but when it comes to this kind of gift, i do be thankful. how ironic.