this July

this July, i wanted to end myself.
this July, i feel as worthless as ever.
this July, whole month of just doing domestic housework pains me,
this July, seeing people progress as human pains me--
this July, doing simple chores tires me to the bone.
this July, i wish to be dead.

;

but this July;
I have decided to push myself after being drowned in my own fear and sorrow -- and actually make an effort doing things that I should do,
doing this that I have always do.

This July,
Marks my achievement of being mentally independent, creating, and forming my own thoughts without letting others dictates me.

This July,
i took a lot of unnecessary beating from my own mind for me to be in this stage and honestly,
this July,
I feel proud of myself.

i think, i need to..

i have lost thing that i treasured so much. i lost everything, i have nothing to lose anymore. i should be fearless. 

i think i need to start writing for real this time.